Getting out and staying out of debt has never been easy for me. This last month was hard because it tested my faith. I was more broke then I have ever been and what was flustraiting was the fact that I was going to work every day but my employer kept screwing up on my paycheck. Before long a month had went by and everyone was angry because my creditors had not been paid.
I was going to work every day but I felt like I was working every day for free. For a solid month I had not been paid. But the circumstance had me faced with a discussion that I had previously had with a former co-worker. It was clear that the traditional jobs are no longer working for me. I can’t pay my bills if my employer doesn’t pay me.
So I started to listen to my friend and going to meetings. The people Isaiah introduced me to had made it a point to say that you can’t hold resentment in your heart and not be held back from success. Today I went to Kristina’s work and told her I forgive her. For months all I thought about revenge for the murder of my child, and it did lift a huge burden off of my chest. What goes through a woman’s mind to even consider terminating her pregnancy?
At any rate I made the decision to forgive Kristina. But she just looked at me like she was angry. I also made the decision to buy into Amway. I am just going to have to make it work. I feel like this is the chance to truly change my life. Today was hard because I forced myself to do something that I swore I would never do.
But the anger and hatred that I had for Kristina was making me sick. And people count on me. Besides I still love her. I just can’t be in the same room with her at least for now. In the meantime I hate Christmas not the birth of Christ but rather that social crap that goes with it. Like many Vets I don’t like people and I never feel welcomed even among friends.
There is a line in the movie Pearl Harbor that seems to ring true with all the homeless that I work with including myself, ” Sir, I’m not in a hurry to die: I’m just in a hurry to matter.” Being accepted is a fundamental need that every human has.
Today Jesse and Tori LaDeane of A Better Tomorrow Ministry seemed to get a bit concerned that the homeless people who they set up their table for seemed to be done eating the sweets. I explained to them a basic biological reality. As it gets colder the seasoned homeless will not only eat enough sugar to keep their blood sugar up, because your body cools off as the sugar gets used. The reverse is true in the heat of Summer. But everyone appreciated what they did for them. I should also explain that their are some social taboos that the homeless they well not cross, such as taking the last of anything. Ministries who work with the homeless need to keep in mind that how others see or think of you means the difference between survival and starvation.
Is has been month since I have been able to give out sleeping bags. But the donations have been appreciated. I refused to use this money to better my own situation, but I am getting back on my feet.
I do want my readers permission to forward your donations to another ministry. I need to do this because our charter says that the money must not stay in our account for more than a month. So please comment.